God Makes the Angels, Satan Prints up the T-shirts

This week there is a seemingly endless stream of school groups flooding through the galleries. It always happens this way; the schools all schedule their tours at once, and of course we’re always short handed those weeks. Even though the groups are always chaperoned, it still makes things difficult for us; there are just too many kids for the teachers to keep an eye on, and while most of the little rugrats are pretty well behaved, they’re still really loud, and there are always a few in every group that end up wandering away or running their grimy little hands all over everything.

This morning there are two kids wearing t-shirts that really stick out. One of the shirts is black with huge white lettering that reads

CAUSE
STONE
COLD
SAID SO

I know enough about pop culture to realize that this refers to the famous wrestler Steve Austin, but I wonder what future generations, finding this shirt as perhaps part of an archaeological dig might think. I am also struck by the contrast of this harsh message to the soft Impressionist landscapes that the little guy seems eager to leave his fingerprints all over. I can’t wait until I have to yell at him for something so I can tell him: “Get your hands off that Utrillo! Why? ‘Cause STONE COLD SAID SO!”

The other little boy is wearing a white t-shirt that has written across its back in big black lettering the phrase

I SUPPORT
VICTIM SERVICES

This disturbs me even more than the Steve Austin shirt does. It’s a child’s size shirt; why on earth would anyone want their kid displaying such a slogan? And how can a seven year old support a victim service, much less know what it is? I feel creeped out by the whole thing and can’t even bring myself to say anything to the little guy, even when I catch him running his fingers provocatively across the thigh of the Henry Moore sculpture.